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Alternative Family Building

What seams "the norm" for some may not be to all when it comes to Family Building and their Journey's Path to Parenthood that should be not only a choice, but also a right in differentiated and educated society that has embrace multiple options & deferent paths to parenthood.

Here in brief we will explore different paths to parenthood in situations that may required a non-traditional family building approach.

The Journey to Parenthood is Unique for Everyone

Everyone’s journey to parenthood is distinctive and unique. Family building nowadays does not necessarily fit in the traditional route of “fall in love, get married, have a baby”, since multi- and mono- parental intended parents exist. The reductionism that has left many of us in the past contemplating our role as uncles or hunts because of not been able to break from the traditionalism that a family would only be possible through a societal dedicated manner. This conformism that does not to be perpetuated since the development of fertility options, and alternated paths of becoming a Mother or a Father. The common denominator that leads to the exploration for alternative family building options results from an unsurpassable factor and may not necessarily be related to infertility. In the similar way that a woman that has been born without a uterus will have to use someone else uterus through a gestational carrier, a single men/woman, or a gay couple will need similarly to undergo this pathways for their family creation.

Third-Party-Reproduction, A choice

“Third party reproduction” is often used as the term that characterizes the need to resort to donor eggs or sperm, a surrogate/gestational carrier to achieve a family. There are other options such as adoption that historically and universally available that can as well be the key to fulfilling their dream of family.

Egg & Sperm Donation

Having to resort to the use of donor eggs, and/or sperm in your path to parenthood can be difficult and be a stressful and emotional process. The need for a biological linkage to one’s child may however be extremely important, and coming to such a decision may be difficult, and even not transposable. However, parents that undergone the use of a donor often perceive the connection with their child as no different, and unchanged the bond regardless of any genetic linkage. As with any pregnancy, you will feel your bond grow either through each ultrasound, and with each flutter and kick that is felt by you or your gestational carrier, the first time you hold your child that will continue through a lifetime.

Surrogacy Often, the challenge in becoming a parent may be the need of having someone else to carry the pregnancy and has nothing to do with the egg or sperm as is the case of same sex couples. Also there are women who are unable to carry a healthy pregnancy to term often consider using a surrogate, also called a gestational carrier. Your surrogate can be someone you know, or a surrogacy agency can help you choose someone.

There are two types of surrogacy. With traditional surrogacy the surrogate becomes pregnant using her own egg, which is fertilized with intended father’s sperm or a sperm donor. This type of surrogate is genetically linked to the child. Do to the legal constrains associated traditional surrogacy is often difficult, or not possible depending on where you live. In non-traditional surrogacy, the gestational carrier, however, has no biological relation to the child and is much more common. In this instance embryo/s will derivate through IVF – using an egg from the intended mother and sperm from the intended father – is transferred to the carrier. This process involves multiple parts and the entire process, from beginning to bundle of joy, typically takes 14 to 18 months.

If you’d like more information about surrogacy, please contact Dr. Joao De Pinho of CT Fertility.

Adoption There are many intended parents seeking to build their family choose adoption. Just as with donors and surrogacy, coming to terms with the fact that you’re not having a child in the way you initially hoped can be challenging. And once you do make the decision to adopt it can be fraught with fears and concerns:

- What if the birth mother changes her mind at the last minute?

- What if I don’t bond with the child?

- What if I love my biological child more than my adopted child?

- Can we afford it?

- How will we handle questions from our child later in life?

These are all valid concerns; however most adoptive parents report that the concerns all fall away the moment they meet their child. Of course, there will be challenges along the way, just as there are challenges with raising any child, but the intense love and devotion you’ll feel outweighs everything else. Be sure to work with a reputable adoption agency, they can provide support and helpful resources as you travel your path to parenthood.

While alternative family building may not be how you initially imagined creating your family, many patients who have gone down this path are extremely happy with their decision. If you think donors or surrogacy could be right for you we invite you to schedule an appointment with one of our specialists at Fertility Center of Connecticut visit or call

Dr. Joao Feldman De Pinho, MD, FACOG, 2020


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